Bring flowers, an orange, and a white napkin
& we will teach you how to completely change all of the thoughts in your mind.
“It’s completely changed my world and I know it will change yours too.” This was not the first time Doloris spoke these words to me about Transcendental Meditation. Every Wednesday night I walked from my East Village apartment on 9th street to her office on 12th, only a few blocks north of Washington Square Park. I would tell her all my problems - with work, with my family, and in my romantic relationship. After ten years in and out of therapy, she was the first therapist who was really helping me shift my life.
In 2018 I was in a rut with my career and my relationship with Rick. I felt determined to understand the complexes of mind as I believed it was my pathway out of this mess. I was sitting on the couch with Rick, another hungover Sunday filled with bagels, sports, and his lacking ability to converse with me. That Sunday was my last straw and it forced me really face what was going on in my mind. On Monday morning I self-diagnosed myself with OCD. I turned to Google and searched for OCD Therapy Groups in NYC. A few days later I found myself on 12th street, riding the elevator up to the 7th floor and walking to the conference room per the emails directions. I sat down in a steel chair and the circle started to fill up with people of all walks of life. That was the first time I could understand how my thoughts had been shaping my reality for the last 25 years. At the end of the meeting, I approached the woman leading the group; she was bright, vivacious, kind, and made me feel safe. Our conversation led to her finding space for her to take me on as her client.
Doloris had helped me so much in those two years. She helped me understand my parents and how their own life experiences impacted my upbringing; we looked at my self-worth and how it had led me to unambitious career situations; and she helped me take a hard look at my romantic relationship. Rick and I had been on and off for 5 years. I met him months before I moved to San Francisco during my senior year of college. He was the type of guy I had been hoping to find during my time at Penn State. But I had “won” him a little too late. I had tried to start dating that guy from college when I was moving into the real world. Essentially it was years of toxic behavior - him drinking and partying, torturing me via late nights out from the country, and me continuously going along for the ride. But I had reached my breaking point. I wanted my life to look different. After moving back to NYC and almost two years of trying to mold him into the life with me, it was time for me to walk away.
“I really think TM would benefit you so much right now,” Doloris told me. I was stuck in my career and just ending a five year relationship. With a desire to do anything that would help my mind feel better, I went to an intro meeting at the center in Downtown New York. A man with white hair and a very happy grin stood at the front of the room. Photos Ellen DeGeneres, Oprah, and the Beatles were plastered all over the room. Once it filled up he started explaining what exactly TM was. All I really remember was a drawing of a wave, where he explained that instead of living on top of the rocky surface, TM allowed you & your thoughts to float to the bottom.
I left their certain that it was something I wanted to do, however it did not happen right away. After three months of partying, drinking, making mistakes, and toying with the idea of returning to Rick, I finally hit rock bottom. I crawled out of a very dark hole and signed up for the training December 27th of 2019. I received an email, telling me how to prepare by clearing my body from any mind altering substance, and to bring a flower, piece of fruit, and white napkin to my initiation. I spent the day after Christmas at a bar with my Irish family drinking a non-alcoholic beer. The next morning my mom drove me to Brooklyn & dropped my off at the TM Center in Brooklyn Heights. I jumped out of her car, walked onto the street and opened the door to the center. Little did I know that door would open a completely new way of thinking for me, and there was no turning back.
My experience there was eye-opening, transformative, enriching, and gave me a glimpse into enlightenment. Five years later I am a trained Meditation Teacher, helping people create their own meditation practice. To say Meditation has completely changed my life would be an understatement. While the path here was not easy or linear, it is a reminder to always listen to your truest inner voice. Those whispers in my ears from the darkest days led me to escape the entanglements of my mind and find bliss through meditation.